A memory full

It takes a lot for someone to just want to give up just as it takes a lot for one to keep going. Its a constant battle to forgive and an even larger one to forget all of those who have wronged you in the past.

Like fire and rain rushed into a mixture my memories steam with sadness

dragging me tugging hard at all I've built

Build me quick I promise I wont break..its what Ive promised my heart.

Its time that I wont get back.

Young as the other two watched, in shock not knowing what to do, how to feel.

We were family, cousins and know I can't own up to my part of being where I was.

I feel like I walked into that room with an invitation plastered to my chest.

I cant remember the day or the time, what I wore I just see their faces.

Tears cannot frequent this face

I am sick

in all sense of the word

and now i think back to when it all happened.

I die slowly, touching the ground carefully because after the minute began with that memory the world turned cold like my mothers icy stare at all of those who sat relaxed on the 1 floor of that house.

I have gone back, with a smile to say that I am okay, that I don't remember a thing... but I do, i feel that cry for help as my pursed lips and wide eyes watched him watch me them who watched me helpless. I was raped, and I knew them, they were family.

With the old sense of the word.

Mother who held me close, wiped my tired eyes and tears, prayed that I lived to see my first birthday.

I know now why you are how you are, strong enough to move mountains despite the backward bending shape you sport panting as if you ran the distance when mentally you do it each time for all of us.

Siblings who I feel love for no matter what even with the nagging tones of playing in my ear.

Father who comforts the evening pain with a smile. Uncle who makes a smile appear with the smallest gesture.

Aunts who have saughtit all through thick thin and height.

Grandmother, so great , so loving, so kind, so beautiful, so giving, and of her last and all.

Friends who make the good times last beyond the means of experience.

Love of my life who continues to do what she does day in and out, balanced my mind like beams of a building, grand love like the canyon deep, consistant like the falls of niagra. Hold me effortlessly as my pursed liips and wide eyes watch you all watch me. I am safe. Secure. Build me.

Build me quick, I promise I wont break...I told my heart but my mind is in shambles.

And she is there to clean up all the messes that my small past has wound up tight and let spill like winds of a tornado, I am weathered, stormed with confusion and she makes the sky clear,possibly without knowing its what she does.